With Shweta Tiwari and husband Raja Choudhary marital problems making headlines. It occurred to us that it’s not the first instance of a husband reacting violently to his spouse’s success. Bollywood made many films on the motif, including the block busters Abhimaan, Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna and the recent Delhi Heights. The fact is that even today some men get violent and insecure because their wives have gone ahead in the rat race and taken over the bread winners tag. The Shweta-Raja out-burst questions the popular notion that women can have a happy married life and a rocking career without damaging the male ego?
So do professional differences loosen the marital knot and more so in the glamour world, where competition for stardom is fierce? Prashant Golecha roped in a string of actors to comment on this issue.
Manav Gohil, who is married to actress Shweta Kawatra is less seen on TV and more on the party circuit. The actor often cribs about the industry’s attitude to berate male actors by offering then less challenging roles. Manav suggests a positive approach to the crises, “The couple has to be matured to know how to balance even if either of the spouses is more successful in the relationship. It may be difficult to digest but one can cope with it, if one desires. Your wife’s success can become a motivational factor for you to excel as well; it simply depends on your mental outlook. I think it is about human beings and not just actors, it happens even in corporate sector. I don’t see who earns more in the house is an issue. I am saying this on the basis of my observation and my own life experiences.”
As a woman gone through the grind of a tumultuous marriage with actor Jeet Upendra and echoed similar problems before reconciling for the sake of her children, Deepshikha gives a frank opinion on the inherent male syndrome, “In Indian culture it is true that 99 percent of the male population can not digest the fact that women are more successful then men. This happens even in metro cities and amongst educated people; not just rural areas as we often assume. A wife is expected to be at home and take care of children, irrespective of her talents and her career. Even though the second generation of boys is changing; they face a lot of social hindrance. It will take years for this mentality to change. Insecurity and violent acts take place irrespective of profession but as the glamour industry is more in the limelight; such things take little time to get public recognition. Money and rest of the factors like popularity and good projects crop up as differences only when there is an absence of empathy and understanding. Mutual understanding is a must for any relationship to work, you have to support each other and put yourself in their shoes, and this applies to men as well.”
Moon, earlier known as Moon Moon Banerjee, had a ten day marriage to a director before realizing that it wasn’t working for them. The marriage was plagued with differences, however today they remain friends and as she rightly avers these conditions in a marriage “differ from person to person. Indian men think that women should be inferior as far as success and money goes. Men are brought up that way, it’s a cultural conditioning. When a man realizes that his wife is wearing the pants in the relationship he can’t digest it, it’s taken as an insult. It happens in every field but seen, heard and reported more, as the entertainment industry is so public.”
Aparna Tilak on the other hand states that, “It can happen even between friends, you don’t need to be married for that! If you are with someone for the keeps, success and failure are insignificant. Issues and competitions among any two individuals start from kinder garden to death. Its always was there and going to be there -survival of the fittest has been the norm. Competition exists at all levels and everywhere but one has to strike a healthy balance. I would want my spouse to succeed, irrespective of how I am doing in my career. Money is a common home breaker in all relationships. Unless you have a Swiss bank account to hide away the surplus, such things don’t will come in the way of a successful relationship.” Actor Akshay
Anand claims that it is a problem that arises when the either of the spouse show off their money, “When the wife is more successful professionally, problems often arise and that is the case in all professions. In the TV industry is it is more highlighted as it gets printed. It becomes an issue when basic understanding goes missing in the relationship. The one who makes more money definitely feels that he or she should dictate all the decisions of the house.”
Anand puts it well, as money and fame often sink into the head of the more successful spouse leaving the other feeling inadequate and incapable to acquiring the same. It is easier to say that what should be done but often difficult to put into practice.